Toddler won't eat: why it happens, what works and when to call your doctor

Toddler won't eat is one of the most common worries at the table, and it usually turns out to be a phase. Between 1 and 2 growth slows and appetite slows with it. The yoghurt that is fine on Tuesday and impossible on Wednesday is part of the same picture. It is the short version of how to get kids to eat vegetables, aimed at the toddler who takes two bites and leaves.

Why a toddler stops eating

Three things can be going on at once. Between the ages of 1 and 2 a toddler grows more slowly than a baby did, and hunger follows: eating less is then a response to slower growth, not a problem. Around 2 to 3 a toddler discovers that saying no works, and the plate is one of the few places where it has an instant effect. And from about 2, toddlers become cautious about anything unfamiliar. This is called food neophobia, it is normal between 2 and 6 and it fades on its own for most children (Dovey, 2008).

None of the three is a sign that something is wrong, or that you are doing something wrong. It is the age, and most toddlers eat like they used to within a few weeks.

Why your toddler won't eat anything at dinner

Sometimes the plate is not the problem, the timing is. A cup of milk or a biscuit half an hour before dinner takes away exactly the hunger a toddler needs to sit down and eat. Dinner also comes at the end of a long day, when a toddler is tired and less willing to try anything.

Two small changes usually help more than any tactic. Keep meal times steady, so the body expects food at the same moments. And leave a gap before dinner with no snacks and only water, so there is some appetite to work with. Neither fixes one evening, both help across a fortnight.

What helps at the table

• Fixed meal moments. Breakfast, lunch and dinner at roughly the same times, with a couple of set snacks. A toddler who is hungry at unpredictable moments eats less well at meals.
• Small portions. A small plate that ends up empty feels like a win. A big one is a struggle before the first bite.
• Nothing to drink or snack on right before. Save the milk for after the meal.
• You eat too. A toddler watches what you eat, not what you say. Sit down and eat the same thing.
• A familiar food on the plate. Bread, rice or pasta next to whatever else is there, so the plate is never entirely new.
• Count the week, not the meal. One bad day says very little. At the end of the week, look at what went in altogether, which is a fairer picture than weighing each meal.

What backfires

• Forcing. Staying at the table until the plate is empty teaches a toddler that eating is a fight, and they may eat a bit tonight and refuse harder tomorrow.
• The clean plate as the goal. It puts the amount at the centre, when for a toddler who won't eat the aim is to find appetite and calm again.
• Dessert as a bargaining chip. "Finish your dinner and you get pudding" makes pudding more valuable and everything before it a hurdle.
• A screen at the table. A video during dinner distracts from hunger itself and makes meals longer, not easier.
• Cooking twice. A separate plate takes away the pressure to try anything new and turns your dinner into a second cooking session.

What a week can look like

Instead of judging each meal, keep one small record for the week. At the end of each day, tick whether your toddler had something from each group: bread or grains, something warm, fruit or vegetable, dairy. A day with only bread and milk is not a disaster as long as the rest of the week is fuller. After seven days you see a pattern instead of a moment of panic, and the pattern tells you whether the usual approach is enough.

This is also where tasting comes in, separately from how much goes down. A lick of something new counts. How that works, and how many tastes it takes, is in how many times a child needs to try a new food.

When a toddler eats well elsewhere

Some toddlers eat happily at nursery or at a grandparent's and refuse at home. That is reassuring rather than worrying. It usually means the toddler can eat, and that at home the meal has become a place where the answer matters. Lowering the stakes at your own table, with less commentary and fewer questions about how much went in, tends to help more than a new recipe.

When to talk to your doctor

Talk to your doctor if your toddler is losing weight or has stopped growing, eats fewer than about 20 different foods, refuses whole groups such as all vegetables or all warm meals, gags or panics around food, or if the worry about meals is with you every day. That is a different situation from an ordinary dip in appetite, and there is help for it.

How Project Food does this at the table

Project Food is an app for the whole family. After dinner you tap what was tasted, person by person, and every plant counts towards the family, including on an evening when not much went down. That way you see a week rather than one difficult meal, without having to keep track of it yourself.